i didn't link this page anywhere but if you're here, proceed with caution. there may be mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, weight loss/food, disordered eating, comparison with others and generally anxious and panicky behaviour. if you are in a vulnerable place yourself, please do not read!
can you stop acting like i'm goign to just suddenly die or something? i'm so tired of it, it's almost like you're always expecting something terrible to happen to me and honestly it's weighing on me like crazy, i cant even tell i f it's guilt tripping or ot i just feel awful, i don't want to make you upset, but i dont want to feel like this either, why is it like im hurting you even though i hv litreally done nothign wrong?
can you trust that i can handle this? because i can.
i cantsee straight, i jsut taste salt and nothing. i want to go back to a time when there was a safe haven i could call home. i dont like this feeling, that i am contingent on you . i don't remember what it means to have a life.
i feel so stuck i want to get out of this country i want to go home i want i want i want i want i ... yeah i should really stop i mean i am in a really good place already i should not be complainig i have food t eat i have a place to sleep i get to study i get to work . i guess its ok.. haha.. i just . ijust !! i just made a mistake 7 months ago and im paying the price for it now huh .. /if i got anyone to blame it's myself i guess i just wish i could stop feeling this way. i'm so lucky already and i'm still like this waah i just.. i just wanna be good..
hey, are you going to be looking at other girls for the rest of your life? is this normal? i guess it's normal huh. like, i just don't know anything about men, maybe everyone is like this and i'm just overreacting. but it really hurts so much, do you know how much i love you ? even if, you say it's good that i don't manage to meet your negative desires, i still don't like it when you look at other people that way. can you just come clean with me? if you say to me, yes i'm going to be doing this forever, then i guess i better start getting used to it. ahh.. i cried a lot today. i wish i was really and truly your everything, but here i am , im going to be married to you soon but i'm never going to fill the gap in your heart and your head fully. it hrts so bad...